1- Guys please note that you will ALWAYS come second to our phone. If it’s in our hand all the time don’t get jealous as it’s just a part of us now and we’ll only get ratty when you try to separate us from it. Also Please stop telling us to get off it and have a conversation with you instead because we all know there will be an argument. Plus one more thing on the matter when we’re watching TV of course we NEED to be on twitter! Don’t ask silly questions!
2- We’re not messy or unclean … It’s just we have a lot of stuff we prefer to see in front of us rather than having to go look for it in cupboards and draws…
3- Never ask who’d you’d save first in a fire …. You or the dog … Just don’t ask it, even if you’re having a game because believe me it will turn into an argument before you can shout the word WOOF
4- Do I look fat in this? This one will surprise you but NEVER say no to this question! If we’re asking you this in the first place it means we’ve been standing in front of the mirror for hours looking at the front, the back, the side, breathing in, changing our hair to see if that makes a difference…. Basically we need you to sway our minds to the other pair of jeans that have caught our eye and are ‘baggy’ ( sooo much more comfortable too )
5- Never say we look ‘nice’ that’s one of the most undercover bad words ever used. No one wants to be ‘nice’ or look ‘nice’ you’re basically saying BORING but saying it with a smile and hoping we don’t notice … But we DO!!!