Pinch Punch It’s the month ( and no returns forever ) … Does anyone still do that?? I remember getting punched in the arm by all my ‘mates’ at school, unless I got them first with this ridiculous tradition, honestly who made that up? Who actually sat there and said as soon as the 1st of the month hits punch and pinch all your mates in the arm and make sure you say no returns as they’re not allowed to get you back ?? This had to be someone taking the mick? I mean they must have been on crack!

Anyway, have you noticed for the last few weeks everyone’s started to get poorly?! It’s started on the tubes, crammed in every morning the coughing the sneezing and spluttering all over the place with no one putting their hands over their mouths or nose, It’s a frigging joke! It’s like I’m ILL so I’m taking all you suckers down with me. Which Is kinda funny but I can’t be arsed with feeling groggy and snotty!

I’ve decided I’m gonna quarantine all my friends, If I hear a slight change In your voice like a sore throat or you ask me  ‘have you got a tissue?’ I’m gonna run a mile or tell you to back the hell up and don’t breath on or near me … I don’t want you to think I’m rude tho because I’m giving you the heads up nice and early and I hope you don’t get offended coz I ain’t up for joining the poorly crew. I know they do the FLU jab but why not the Cold jab? colds spread like wildfire, they can wipe out a whole office building In one go. Have you seen that video on youtube of what happens when you sneeze? It’s disgusting ( and I can’t stop watching it, Just like those ‘watch the worlds biggest spot pop’ )

So basically I’m going into hiding until everyone stops getting ILL.

Now I have thought maybe I’m immune to the common cold seeing that I sleep with my dog In the bed ( literally IN the bed not on top ) so I’m hoping my Immune system Is as solid as a rock because Christ knows what diseases and bacteria are hiding in my sheets … gawwwwd that makes me sound gross!!